i overestimated myself.
maybe i just cannot handle whatever life's throwing at me.
or maybe i can, just that i choose not to.
because i just simply refuse to conform to the method that's required of me.
because i just stubbornly refuse to.

not a very long time ago i thought i couldn't.
then i realised its not a matter whether i can or not.
but whether i'm willing to.
whether i'm willing to accept the change and
whether i even bother making the effort.
and when i thought it through
i got through the entire phase effortlessly.
conscious effort was redundant and not required.
i surprised myself.

someone told me this a long time ago.
how could u have been so right.
is life really like that?

i never wanted anything soooo badly before.
and all i can see now is it drifting further and further away from me.
please don't go out of my grasp.
all my life i've been getting what i want.
every goal that i set,
somehow or another i always managed to get it.
to the big one high up above,
please please please let me get it.
i know i haven't been a very hardworking and good girl.
but please please please be forgiving >.<
for so long i have set my goal on this.
i wouldn't know what to do otherwise.
i can just imagine my sense of loss.
and how sad and disappointed i would be.
i can even feel it now just by thinking about it.
ahhhhhhh
=(